Pre'Mania Insanity
by Edward's Josie Black
Summary: Subtitled "A Lost Phone, an Unhelpful Santino, and Extreme BS." A rock star-slash-temporary Diva finds herself backstage at Wrestlemania, in the thick of the excitement. Now, if only she can find her phone... Featuring various Divas and Superstars.


**A/N: Yes, I had fun going through all my documents for anything my lovely readers might enjoy. I think the title here says it all. I did write this before I discovered that I really, really hate Kelly Kelly. A LOT. I apologize profusely, but I'm too lazy to fix it. Again, Reeshi=Leesie.**

**Pre-'Mania Insanity: A Lost Phone, an Unhelpful Santino, and Extreme BS**

March 30, 2008

Reeshi sped through the corridors of gigantic configuration of tents behind the Citrus Bowl, searching frantically for Ashley. Up ahead was a stagnant mob of people, chatting casually as if this were merely any old show. She sighed, frustrated, and took a detour. Which proved pointless.

"Aargh," she groaned, and turned swiftly.

"Hey!"

She looked up, embarrassed, into the face of the one and only "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. She hadn't had an opportunity to speak with him all weekend, unless you count the brief "hello" at the Bagels, Bacon, and Biceps Brunch the day before. They'd both been rather busy, Ric especially, what with his induction into the Hall of Fame and all.

"Oh!" she said in surprise before smiling dazzlingly up at him. "I've been trying to find Ash, and it's so busy, I guess I wasn't watching where I was going."

"It's all right," he assured her, wincing teasingly as he grabbed his ribs.

She laughed lightly.

"I don't recall last year's 'Mania being half as crazy."

"That's because you were a guest. We tried to shelter you from the worst of it."

She nodded understandingly.

"I see; that makes sense." Suddenly she remembered what she had been wanting to say. "Your speech last night was amazing. If I hadn't already been sobbing, it would have made me cry."

Tears sprang suddenly to her green eyes, and she wiped them away.

"Aw, shit! My makeup!"

"That's what's different; you're not wearing any."

"Oh, yeah…Ewwwww," she whined at remembering. "But, um, anyway, congratulations. You really do deserve it."

"Thanks," he said graciously, but distractedly. "I really have to find…anyway, good luck out there, and try not to get hurt."

She smiled.

"I try. Good luck with your match. I'm sure it's going to be fabulous."

"I'm going to lose," he said flatly.

"Yeah, but still. Those people don't know for certain that you will. You and Shawn are going to steal the show; I'm sure of it."

"Me too."

She laughed despite herself.

"That's why I chose Shawn."

She bit her lip.

"Can I have a hug?" she asked shyly, feeling once again like a teenage fangirl.

He chuckled as he nodded affirmatively, and she embraced him tightly, knowing she wouldn't do so again until after his final match.

"You know, for all your inexperience, you really are a good commentator. You add a lot to the shows." He spoke seriously, and she looked up at him with watery, shocked eyes. "I'm glad you're calling this match with Jim and Jerry."

Relief crashed over her.

"Thank you so, so much. You have no idea," she said shakily, "how much that means to me…I was so worried everybody would say I ruined it."

"You won't," he said confidently. "Just try to remain composed; Diva Lumberjacks aren't allowed to be emo."

She laughed hysterically, gasping for breath. Imagine—Ric Flair saying "emo."

"Oh, jeeeeeez."

He patted the top of her head fondly.

"And I last saw Ashley down that hall." He pointed helpfully.

She gasped delightedly.

"Thank you!"

"Glad to help."

She focused on the task at hand, willing herself not to dwell on the fact that soon Ric Flair would have his final match. She wondered vaguely what time it was.

"Hey!" she shouted, spotting the familiar back of Chris Jericho. "Chris! What time is it?"

He checked his watch.

"Almost one."

"What time EXACTLY is it?"

"12:53."

"Thank you."

She kissed his cheek lightly as she sped past.

"Good luck," she said, waving as she continued on her way.

He shook his head bemusedly.

"You too!" he called back.

He was joined a second later by Dean Malenko, who raised a brow.

"That's Reeshi for you," Chris laughed. "She's not always so…rushed, but she _is_ always so…unique."

They watched as she continued down the hall, half-waiting for her to trip over a tuft of grass. She didn't disappoint, going down in a whirl of black fabric and wavy brown hair.

"Dammit," she muttered, scraping mud off her hands with the aid of her black boots.

She shook her hair back into place with the air of one who was born to do so. A hand appeared a few inches from her face, offering assistance in standing. She checked first to see whose hand it was. Finding it to be that of Matt Hardy, she smiled warmly and slipped her hand into his.

"Thanks, Matt."

"No problem."

"Hey…have you seen Ash, by any chance?"

He thought a moment.

"Yeah, actually, she's back there."

He gestured vaguely behind himself. She stifled a retort; Jeff was having a hard time, and Matt, as his older brother, was showing signs of stress. She was genuinely happy to see the elder Hardy brother at an event once again, and hugged him tightly.

"Matthew, I missed you so," she said honestly. "It's so boring without you sometimes."

"You saw me twice last week."

"Still. It's lovely to see you at an event again."

She bit her lip, wanting to ask about Jeff. Finally she decided to ask Ashley instead. Though her fellow Diva had been too busy even to talk to her yet today, perhaps she could assail her in makeup. Provided she found her, of course.

Matt smiled bravely as though he had not noticed her expression.

"Thanks. It's nice to be back. I just wish…" he sighed.

She shifted feet awkwardly a moment before grinning up at him.

"It's going to be fantastic, Matt. Last 'Mania didn't really count; I just got to run around and fangirlasm. This time—this time, I'm really, truly, a part of the show. Remember the first time I met you? I almost literally ran into you."

"I do remember," he chuckled. "I said I loved your music, and you looked up at me and Jeff and said, 'I love _you_.' Mikey's face was priceless."

She groaned.

"That reminds me! I have to call him, or he's never going to know where to find me. Actually…I don't even know if I can find the way out…"

"You could follow the signs marked 'stage' in huge red letters," John "Bradshaw" Layfield said with good-natured sarcasm.

She stared at him.

"Shut up."

"Is that how you talk to a wrestling…god?"

She and Matt snorted with laughter, and J.B.L. laughed briefly before feigning being offended again.

"Young people these days have no respect for true legends."

"Oh, stop it, John," Reeshi laughed, "I…can't…"

Once she recovered, she said her apologies.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I have to go…there's still so much to—Lilian, wait!" she called.

The blonde ring announcer turned.

"Hmm?"

"Hunter told me Melina was looking for you."

"Oh…okay…any idea where she is?"

"Absolutely none."

Lilian laughed lightly.

"Great."

"Good luck. Oh, and if you see Ash, please let her know I'm looking for her."

"Why don't you try the Divas dressing room…I was just there five minutes ago, and she was trying to get ahold of Jeff…"

"Th—" Reeshi started to say, but Fit Finlay, who had been patiently waiting for them to let him through, cut her off.

"Did you try calling her?"

She brightened, and then remembered.

"She has my phone. That's why I need her," she said with a mix of sullenness and exasperation.

"Who has your phone?" Mike Chioda, also stuck in the mass of people, questioned.

"Oh, 'scuse me…"

"Ashley," Fit answered with a sigh.

"Why on Earth did you leave your phone with her? It's the only way to find anyone on 'Mania day…"

Both men, veterans of the Wrestlemania-day melee, looked at her as if she were completely stupid. Annoyed, she put a hand on her hip.

"Well, then, can I borrow one of yours?"

"Here."

An arm held a phone in front of her face. She gave John Morisson a smile and took the phone.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

He proceeded to execute John Morrison's Patented Hair-Flip. She giggled. His laughter was decidedly more manly.

"Aww, crap."

Reeshi stared at the phone, dumbfounded.

"What?" John asked.

She was silent.

"You know, all you have to do is press the pretty buttons and then the one with the green telephone—it looks kinda like an upside-down 'u.'"

"I know how to use a phone, idiot," she snapped.

"Oh…just checking," he said. "Wait…then what's the problem?"

"I can't remember Ashley's number."

"Oh, God."

"Don't make fun of me," she said defensively, turning on Adam with a glare.

"I have it!" a voice called.

Brian Kendrick brandished his phone.

"Oh, thanks, Bri."

She beamed.

"Ooh, and it's all set, too. You're wonderful."

"I try."

She hit the button and danced mildly to Ashley's call tone—her new theme by Aiden, which she was completely in love with.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ash?"

"Oh, hey!"

"Yeah…um…where are you?"

"Well…er…"

There was a brief silence, in which all Reeshi heard was a huge amount of background noise.

"Ashley!" came a voice on Ashley's end.

"Oh, hi!"

"How are you?"

"Ashley Massaro!" Reeshi snapped.

"Oh, sorry…Um…hang on one sec, okay?"

"Oh, yeah…"

"Sorry, Reeshi. What'd you need?"

"Where are you?" she repeated clearly.

"Um…I…well, I just left the bathroom—"

"Which one?"

"I have no idea. But I'm on my way back to the dressing room; we've got a pretty mad game of B.S. going on."

Reeshi laughed.

"Okay, thanks…I'll be right there. Do please go straight there; I don't want to have to go on another quest for you."

"All right. See you in a bit."

"Mmhmm."

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

Reeshi closed the phone and returned it to Brian. She said a hasty thanks before turning to go back the way she'd come. As she made her way toward the dressing room, she greeted everyone she passed with a rushed salutation. This included everyone from Frederick, the bell ringer, to Shane McMahon, who was trying to find out who had stolen his baby.

"I'm sorry, Shane. If I see her, I'll let you know."

Up ahead she saw a familiar head of blonde, black, and hot pink hair. She sighed in relief that her journey was finally over.

"Hey, Ash!"

Ashley stopped, turned, and looked for who had called her name. She spotted Reeshi and smiled.

"Hey."

At last Reeshi reached her.

"I have been looking everywhere for you."

"I'm sorry…why didn't you just call me?"

"Um, dear, I didn't have my phone," she said pointedly.

"Oh, why n—_Oh_."

Reeshi smacked a hand to her forehead.

"Please tell me you know where it is…"

"Er…actually, I don't…"

"What?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't—I must've put it down in…in the bathroom…or in catering. Or—"

"Okay, I get it. You have absolutely no idea where it is."

"Pretty much…here, you can use my phone to call it."

Reeshi did so. It rang. And rang. And rang some more. She tried again. More ringing. She tried a third time, and, at last, someone picked up.l

"Um…hello?"

"Who is this?" she demanded.

"This is Santino Marella."

"Oh, jeez…Santino, it's Reeshi. That's my phone. And I kinda…need it. Where are you?"

"Well, I'm in a tent…"

She sighed.

"Obviously. Specifically where in the tent are you?"

"I—"  
"Who is that?" came a voice on Santino's end.

"It's Reeshi."

"Oh, you found her phone! Here, let me." To her, the voice spoke. "Sorry, Reeshi…It's Rey. Where are you? I'll meet you."

"Oh, hey, Rey! Um…I'm about twenty feet from the Divas' dressing room, actually."

"Okay, just go hang out with the ladies or whatever…and I'll get the phone to you as soon as I possibly can."

She smiled.

"Thank you."

"De nada, chica."

She laughed. Rey's somewhat schizo way of switching back and forth between English and Spanish amused—and, sometimes _con_fused—her.

"Adios, Rey."

"Adios."

Reeshi snapped the phone shut and returned it to Ashley with a sigh and an eye-roll.

"Damn Italian," she muttered. "Rey's going to bring-slash-send it to me."

"Okay…let's see if we can get in on B.S."

"Yay!"

The Punk Rock Divas entered the room just in time to catch the excitement.

"BULL SHIT!!!" Randy yelled incredulously.

"Randall K. Orton—what does the K stand for, anyway?—calm down!" Mickie insisted.

"Bu—I thought for sure… See? I have four fives!"

He waved them in the face of a taken aback Cody Rhodes, who sighed.

"Randy…I'm sorry, but…Cherry clearly put down a five."

"Who the f-"

"Randy! Geezus!" Reeshi yelled.

"Sorry…"

"Deep breaths, kid," John said.

Randy took a deep breath, and when he spoke it was much more calmly.

"I'm sorry for my psychotic outburst."

"Apology accepted," said about half a dozen of the others.

"But," Randy continued, "Who the hell brought a messed-up deck of cards?

"Um…no one," Maria said matter-of-factly. "We have two."

"…"

Randy stared at a spot on the floor.

"Wowww…" commented Ashley with a laugh. "And you're our WWE Champion."

This was too much for the rest, who had been trying to withhold their laughter. Reeshi had to sit down. Victoria fell over to lie in the fetal position on the floor. Bemused, Jillian poked her.

"Hey, where's Lina?" Reeshi asked.

"I dunno…I think she said she had to check on something with her costume," Cody replied, not looking up from his cards.

"BS," Cherry said.

"Aww, damn," Beth muttered.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Kelly asked Reeshi interestedly.

"Well, I'm supposed to call him so he can find me."

"You might want to do that before it gets any more crowded," Mickie suggested.

"…yeah, probably."

She pulled out her phone.

"Dangit, I'm roaming here…"

"Try over by the lamp--I got, like, three bars over there," Ashley offered helpfully.

Upon trudging across the tent, Reeshi found that she did indeed get reception near the lamp. She hit Mikey's speed dial number (2--1 was voicemail) and danced briefly to something by The Drive By until he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Hun."

"Hey, Shi, where are you?"

"Umm…the Citrus Bowl."

"No shit."

"Heyyy, be nice."

"I'm sorry. Can you tell me specifically where you are?"

"Well, I'm going to have to come get you, because I forgot to give you the pass…or I'll send someone to meet you. There are signs everywhere; I'm betting you can figure it out. I think the one you want says something like "WWE Superstar guest pass." Are you leaving now?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking about it."

"Are the others coming later, or…?"

"Erm…I think they were going to come by a bit later; they're not quite ready yet."

"Okay. I'll be with the pass-checker waiting for you, unless someone else volunteers. Or I'll just ask him or her to let you in for me."

"All right. I'll call when I get to the venue?"

"That'll work. See you soon, Sweetheart--_shut up_."

She glared at those who had "aww"ed.

"Okay. Love you."

"You too; bye!"

"Bye."

She shut her phone.

"Someone want to come with me to get my boyfriend? I don't really trust myself not to get hopelessly lost."

"Trish and Amy are supposed to be here soon," Jillian said. "Someone should help them find their way here, too."

"I think you're on your own, Babe," Ken said.

Reeshi rolled her eyes at the endearment.

"We're in a pretty intense game of B.S. here," John said.

"I win," Cherry said. "That wasn't two eights, either; it was an ace and a five."

"Dammit!" Jeff complained. "I almost called that, too."

"Okay, well, if I get lost on the way and end up murdered, it's on you."

"I'll come with," Cherry said, standing.

"Yeah; give the humans a chance…B.S. robot," Randy said.

"That made no sense," Maria said, but she was giggling.

"You're just mad because I kicked your ASS!" Cherry said.

With that, she turned and flounced out of the room. Reeshi laughed, shaking her head.

"I'll be back, guys. Don't have too much fun without me."

"We'll try," Mickie replied with a smile.

As the two friends left the room, Reeshi knew she was right where she wanted to be--in the midst of the excitement of Wrestlemania. Oddly enough, though...she mostly just wanted to get back so she could get in on that game of BS.


End file.
